What I've Learned From Each of my Kids.....so far.

I don't get asked why I have so many kids very often. I guess it's my resting-grouchy-face that causes people to think twice. When I do, I think of this answer comedian Jim Gaffigan when he was asked why he and his wife had so many kids:

"Well, why not? I guess the reasons against having more children always seemed uninspiring and superficial. What exactly am I missing out on? Money? A few more hours of sleep? A more peaceful meal? More hair? These are nothing compared to what I get from these five monsters who rule my life … each one of them has been a pump of light into my shriveled black heart."

Each of my kids has taught me many things about love, life, myself, and the world that I didn't know before. Here's what I've learned from each of my kids....so far. 

Eddie

I wasn't supposed to have children, so when Eddie entered the world, I knew he was a gift from God. I didn't realize that my heart could love so much when I first held him. I learned selflessness, sacrifice, and more about the love of God from this one little boy than I had in the 24 years before he came. If God loves me more than I love my kids, think of how deep that love must be. 

Eddie is an amazing child and deeply loves God; he reminds me that child-like faith is a wonderful thing. Eddie has more compassion and willingness to help others than many adults I know. I've learned to try and see the world (especially people) through a child's eyes and how Christ would see them with love.

Malakai

This girl continues to surprise me. Malakai was such a happy, smiley baby, so when the wailing, I-sound-like-a-fire-engine tantrums came, it was quite the surprise. Her toddler years were trying and I learned a great deal about patience and reliance on God to survive this girl. Don't get me wrong, she's grown into quite the young lady, but man, those years were hard. FYI...sometimes we still have siren-like fits, even now. 

One thing I'm learning from Malakai is how early girls begin criticizing themselves and their bodies. She's nine and already fights poor self-image. When I was nine, I didn't even care if my hair or teeth were brushed, much less whether or not people thought I was fat or stupid. I'm learning that a HUGE part of this little girl's self-image comes from her perception of mine. I've learned to embrace who God has made me to be, accept the body I've been given, and to nurture the spirit instead of obsessing over a few pounds (well, really, it's more than a few). I'm hoping this will help her see where true beauty lies.

Riley

For those of you who don't know, Riley is one of my adopted sons. He came to me at 20 months; he was barely walking, only saying a few words, and had been seriously neglected. Riley has some issues from the neglect and is often a challenge. I learned much more about patience and forgiveness while parenting this kid. 

I've also learned that sometimes people are made in a way that is so radically different from what you expect them to be. I've learned in parenting this kid that I needed work to change to reach him. When I started praying for me to love him how he needs to be loved and for the ability to reach him on a deeper level, things started to change. Sometimes when a situation is very difficult and nothing seems to work, maybe God needs to change us. 

Silas

This kid. AGH! Si's like pent-up dynamite in a pressurized can. When he came to me he was a tiny baby who was so withdrawn he didn't even cry. Now, he's the rowdy, loud kid I used to scowl towards at the store or in restaurants that would make me criticize his parents' disciplinary skills. I've learned a great deal of humility from parenting Silas, but also a great deal of compassion for other moms with challenging children.

The main thing I've learned from this kid is to let go of perfection. Perfection is an unattainable "standard" that America's mothers project. It's not possible folks. Before my boys came, I wanted to have the perfectly clean house, the perfectly organized life with perfect holidays and perfect kids. It took a long time for me to let go of that. I felt like an inadequate mom since my house was never perfectly clean and Silas generally behaves like a heathen on meth. Then at some point I got it. 

No one is perfect!! There was only one perfect person on the planet and He was God. I've learned that we're all imperfect and that's why we need Jesus Christ. I finally understand grace because God brought me a little boy that pushes me to my limits. Every. Single. Day. 

Sophie

If you've never read about Sophie's delivery experience, please do. From the day she was born, this child has radiated joy. Pure joy.  She smiles almost all the time and everything, I mean everything, makes her happy. Sophie's taught me so much about being JOYFUL and finding joy in the little things. I was missing my joy before she came and God used a surprise baby to help me find it. 

I've also learned that God never gives up on us, mo matter how far we stray. Sometimes I don't realize how far away I've gotten until I'm so far in the pit that it's completely dark. That's how things were before Sophie was born. God gave me this bright, beautiful reminder of His everlasting love, presence, and pursuit of relationship with me. 

I'm only 11 years into the lifelong parenting journey and I'm sure that God is going to teach me so much more through these five amazing children. Hopefully, I won't be bald from pulling my hair out when my last leaves for college.